New Planet Belgian Ale

Every once in a while you encounter something that affects you on a deep deep level. It triggers a memory, either very bad, or very good… but usually very bad. Your brain goes into warp drive, tunnel of stars, and you are back in that spot again, lost in your mind.

From the outside you look like you are in a trance. Friends call your name over and over, and you, standing in your personal mind-holodeck hear only a faint voice coming from the imaginary room next door.

Then you come to. In your hand is the worst beer you have ever tasted in your life. An absolute abhorration. Not only does it taste terrible, it releases horrible memories buried deep in your mind. It is so abominable that it is not even worth spelling “aberration” correctly. It needs its own word, like “abhorrobinable.”

Like a trojan horse, this bottle houses an invasion of inherent terribleness approaching that of death itself.

I have not smelled a cadaver since 1999, but it is a smell I will never forget. What I did not know about this smell is that it can be replicated perfectly by mixing “honey, orange peel, cinnamon powder and vanilla extract” into the usual mix of water, sorghum and brown rice extract, hops and yeast.

This is truly a devilish creation.

It is written on the bottle that “New Planet Beer chooses to support organizations that help our planet.” That’s nice, but no halo in the world will make me think this beer is good.

Another trend that I have noticed is that really truly shitty beers use the word “Belgian” in their name.

There is absolutely nothing “Belgian” about this! Belgium makes the best beer in the world. The only thing that could possibly make this Belgian is if their brewmaster were kicked out of Belgium for creating absolute crap like this!

The only saving grace is that this did not come in a six pack, but a pack of four, (which cost the same as a six pack). Thank the maker I have two fewer of these to dispose of.

New Planet Belgian Ale
0/5
G1

New Grist at the Whistler Beer Festival

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Today I went to the Whistler Beer Festival. I biked up around noon, and was looking forward to trying the three… yes, three Gluten-Free beers that were available, and taking home a free souvenir mug. Of course I have already tried the Glutenberg and New Grist, so I was not expecting much in terms of surprises.

When I rode up on my bike and saw the crappy plastic souvenir mug, and heard the obnoxious accordion music, I just said “fuck it… I have better things to do.” I went for a rip on some of the trails on my bike and had my own beer festival at home.

Such is my new attitude when choosing health over awesome beer!

New Grist

Somewhere in Wisconsin this beer with the funny name is made, and somehow, is the most accessible easy-drinking Gluten-free beer in the world.

It is not organic, which is too bad. But up until a few weeks ago, this has been in my fridge every day for the past month… Next to the Bards and Schniter Brau.

It has a straw colour, and a lively but short-lived head, with a mild yeast aroma.

It is mild tasting with a slight citrus flavour, and no real aftertaste. It easily replaces a hefeweizen on a beautiful summer day like today.

4.5/5

Glutenberg Imperial Buchweisen

First weekend of Crankworx

Today we are in Whistler at the Crankworx festival. They have some great family activities happening. Today they made a kids bike course in the Four-season’s parking lot and timed the kids as they rode around in push-bikes. It doesn’t sound like much, but my son rode around for almost two hours. His best time was 23 seconds.

Jeep has a pretty cool set-up in parking lot two. They made an off-road course where you can test drive their new models, including Rubicons and Grand Cherokees. As a former Jeep guy, I was a little interested. While I did this they had an area with some toy electric jeeps for kids to crash into the wall with.

You know these little electric cars that kids can ride that are at Toys R Us… the ones you used to see in the Sears Catalogue in the 1980s and think “who is the spoiled rich kid that gets a car like that” and you swear you will never buy one, then when your son turns four your sister and parents go in together and buy one for his birthday… and it is actually kinda cool.

After trying to balance a Grand Cherokee on two wheels we tried the Glutenberg Imperial Buchweisen from Montreal. At 10 percent alcohol it is a total ass-kicker. It has a copper colour with mild foggy clarity. The head was excellent and left a lace trail down the glass. It is very full-bodied.

The aroma is sweet and grapey, with a fruity taste of moderate intensity. A slight alcohol burn in the aftertaste is expected but it is smoothed out by the fruitiness.

This is a very smooth-drinking weisen.

Score 5/5
G1