Every once in a while you encounter something that affects you on a deep deep level. It triggers a memory, either very bad, or very good… but usually very bad. Your brain goes into warp drive, tunnel of stars, and you are back in that spot again, lost in your mind.

From the outside you look like you are in a trance. Friends call your name over and over, and you, standing in your personal mind-holodeck hear only a faint voice coming from the imaginary room next door.

Then you come to. In your hand is the worst beer you have ever tasted in your life. An absolute abhorration. Not only does it taste terrible, it releases horrible memories buried deep in your mind. It is so abominable that it is not even worth spelling “aberration” correctly. It needs its own word, like “abhorrobinable.”

Like a trojan horse, this bottle houses an invasion of inherent terribleness approaching that of death itself.

I have not smelled a cadaver since 1999, but it is a smell I will never forget. What I did not know about this smell is that it can be replicated perfectly by mixing “honey, orange peel, cinnamon powder and vanilla extract” into the usual mix of water, sorghum and brown rice extract, hops and yeast.

This is truly a devilish creation.

It is written on the bottle that “New Planet Beer chooses to support organizations that help our planet.” That’s nice, but no halo in the world will make me think this beer is good.

Another trend that I have noticed is that really truly shitty beers use the word “Belgian” in their name.

There is absolutely nothing “Belgian” about this! Belgium makes the best beer in the world. The only thing that could possibly make this Belgian is if their brewmaster were kicked out of Belgium for creating absolute crap like this!

The only saving grace is that this did not come in a six pack, but a pack of four, (which cost the same as a six pack). Thank the maker I have two fewer of these to dispose of.

New Planet Belgian Ale
0/5
G1