Schnitzer Bräu

Schnitzer Brau

This is a great find that was suggested to be by a guy in Nesters Liquor store in Whistler.

Schnitz is made in the black forest in Offenburg, near the french border, near Strasbourg.

Translated from their website:

“Schnitzer Bräu is gluten-free . We use bears solely of naturally gluten-free raw materials and malts.”

Not only is this an amazing treat, but it is made using bears… Impressive.

“For us, it goes without saying that our clients receive organic products that are not loaded with synthetic chemical fertilizers and pesticides. ”

Somewhere in Germany, a bunch of guys read my blog and started an organic gluten free brewery. Then they named it something that was not stupid and obvious like “Glutenburg” (although that must have been hard to resist), and instead named it something that reminds you of the greatest movie of all time, “Beerfest.”

Was that so hard?

Just for Schnitz and giggles, I would have liked to make a “Hitler makes a gluten free brewery” video here, but I just do not have the time for that. It would have been hilarious, trust me!

Schnitzer Is proof that you can have great craftsmanship with alternative ingredients. The head was good with moderate duration, and the mouthfeel was full with great body. The taste was mld in intensity and slightly floral, like what you would expect from a German pilsner.

Schnitzer also has a perfect 5% alcohol. The score for this goes without saying.

5/5
ORGANIC
G2

New Planet Belgian Ale

Every once in a while you encounter something that affects you on a deep deep level. It triggers a memory, either very bad, or very good… but usually very bad. Your brain goes into warp drive, tunnel of stars, and you are back in that spot again, lost in your mind.

From the outside you look like you are in a trance. Friends call your name over and over, and you, standing in your personal mind-holodeck hear only a faint voice coming from the imaginary room next door.

Then you come to. In your hand is the worst beer you have ever tasted in your life. An absolute abhorration. Not only does it taste terrible, it releases horrible memories buried deep in your mind. It is so abominable that it is not even worth spelling “aberration” correctly. It needs its own word, like “abhorrobinable.”

Like a trojan horse, this bottle houses an invasion of inherent terribleness approaching that of death itself.

I have not smelled a cadaver since 1999, but it is a smell I will never forget. What I did not know about this smell is that it can be replicated perfectly by mixing “honey, orange peel, cinnamon powder and vanilla extract” into the usual mix of water, sorghum and brown rice extract, hops and yeast.

This is truly a devilish creation.

It is written on the bottle that “New Planet Beer chooses to support organizations that help our planet.” That’s nice, but no halo in the world will make me think this beer is good.

Another trend that I have noticed is that really truly shitty beers use the word “Belgian” in their name.

There is absolutely nothing “Belgian” about this! Belgium makes the best beer in the world. The only thing that could possibly make this Belgian is if their brewmaster were kicked out of Belgium for creating absolute crap like this!

The only saving grace is that this did not come in a six pack, but a pack of four, (which cost the same as a six pack). Thank the maker I have two fewer of these to dispose of.

New Planet Belgian Ale
0/5
G1

New Grist at the Whistler Beer Festival

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Today I went to the Whistler Beer Festival. I biked up around noon, and was looking forward to trying the three… yes, three Gluten-Free beers that were available, and taking home a free souvenir mug. Of course I have already tried the Glutenberg and New Grist, so I was not expecting much in terms of surprises.

When I rode up on my bike and saw the crappy plastic souvenir mug, and heard the obnoxious accordion music, I just said “fuck it… I have better things to do.” I went for a rip on some of the trails on my bike and had my own beer festival at home.

Such is my new attitude when choosing health over awesome beer!

New Grist

Somewhere in Wisconsin this beer with the funny name is made, and somehow, is the most accessible easy-drinking Gluten-free beer in the world.

It is not organic, which is too bad. But up until a few weeks ago, this has been in my fridge every day for the past month… Next to the Bards and Schniter Brau.

It has a straw colour, and a lively but short-lived head, with a mild yeast aroma.

It is mild tasting with a slight citrus flavour, and no real aftertaste. It easily replaces a hefeweizen on a beautiful summer day like today.

4.5/5